And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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