Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Slut skills are useful in every country.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
Randomize
