I'm laying in your front yard are you home
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
