it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize