wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
