apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
