From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
there is puke in my bra ... again
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