So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
