You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Randomize
