i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
