Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I love you.
Bad choice
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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