Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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