Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
