SEEEEXXX PLEASE
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
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