we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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