Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
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