Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
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