Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
