you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
