she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
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