im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
