"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
