I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
two words: eviction party
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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