i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
