The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
It was a blind-side dick pic.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
