i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
