in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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