watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
