Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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