I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
