She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
