im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
