woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
