Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
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