Duck Duck Cougar?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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