meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
we should paint friendship bongs
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
