Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
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