There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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