eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
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