I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
please come you make the beer taste better
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
