Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I deserve to be covered in dicks
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
