there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize