come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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