No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
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