It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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