i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
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