the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
