the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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