You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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