Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
