I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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