i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
