I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I should have robbed the cradle years ago. Turns out 21 year old boys can cum and still fuck me silly a minute later. My vagina feels like it just won a car from Oprah!
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
