Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
