Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
