I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
