i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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