We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
We got so high we made milksteak
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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