so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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