I hate all girls vehemently.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
