This beer is not sobering me up at all
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
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