oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
