my text book just quoted the cookie monster
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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