You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize