they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
