Soap is not a condiment
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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