So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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