i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
