Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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