and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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