I want to have your abortion
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Randomize
