need another drink. this is the easiest way
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
The cops high fived after they tackled you
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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