if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
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