why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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