those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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