Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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