Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
our cab driver is having phone sex.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Randomize
