Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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