No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize
