32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
If she gets mad at me, that only means more free time for me. I like to put myself I win win situations. Despite being in a relationship, I still find ways to accomplish my goals.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Randomize
