Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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