Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
