Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
