Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
