There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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