she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
