Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Randomize
