belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
