The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
There r osticjed everywhere
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
